Leftovers.
I think I've done it again.
I took all my hopes, faith and love and put it in a place where I thought it would be safe.
It didn't work.
I thought I had all the pieces. Complete.
One piece was missing. An essential piece.
For the first time, yes the first time, I acually felt.. home.
I was so far far away.
I can honestly say, that I never, ever felt this way before. I never thought.. I was so close to "it".
An illusion, can be so easily misstaken. And suddenly, you find yourself in the cruelest of all places: Reality.
So.
What do I do?
What do I do, with the leftover-me?
I took all my hopes, faith and love and put it in a place where I thought it would be safe.
It didn't work.
I thought I had all the pieces. Complete.
One piece was missing. An essential piece.
For the first time, yes the first time, I acually felt.. home.
I was so far far away.
I can honestly say, that I never, ever felt this way before. I never thought.. I was so close to "it".
An illusion, can be so easily misstaken. And suddenly, you find yourself in the cruelest of all places: Reality.
So.
What do I do?
What do I do, with the leftover-me?
Mission Impossible.
Sunday is election day.
It's a time to take a stand, to decide, which side you are on, politically.
It's time to vote, and decide who is going to decide how Sweden is going to be, in the near future.
It comes to two sides.
One side, where you seem to be hostile towards immigrants & aganst the rights of those who aren't heterosexual, you are blue.
On the other side, you seem to be all snowed in with the environment & communist, you are red.
Is it really that simple?
That your decision should be based on which part that isn't the worst, to take stand for?
I'm basing my decison on the fact, that my daughter have the longest days in child care. She's there the earliest, and there the longest, while I'm at work.
I'm a single mom. I have to work to get by, financially.
In Lo's group, there is 21 other children. Those 22 children together is supposed to get the attention from the 3 (!) teachers that is responsible for their safety and that they get enough attention.
Mission impossible.
The blue side, have a GREAT (?) solution for the problem, of those teachers, that have a too heavy burden at school.
"Let's close it earlier. The child care."
Ok.. Then how should we do with work, when we pick them up?
"Well.. we have this law you see, that you can go down in work to only work 80 %, without risking getting laid off. Then, I guess that the parents have to take turns, in picking the children up from school."
Heh.. Right.. Then how will I find the 20% of loss in income, since I don't have anyone to help me. I'm alone you see. I can't "take turns" with anyone, like all other single moms can't.
"Well.. We are going to lower the taxes you see! So you will get motivated to get a extra job, and earn more money since the taxes woun't be that high, if you earn more. The higher the income, the lower the taxes.."
So right.. When I don't have my daughter, I should work more?
Right.
And the money they are saving in at closing early, in my expense, should go to finance the lower taxes?
Right.
You go blue.
I go red.
It's a time to take a stand, to decide, which side you are on, politically.
It's time to vote, and decide who is going to decide how Sweden is going to be, in the near future.
It comes to two sides.
One side, where you seem to be hostile towards immigrants & aganst the rights of those who aren't heterosexual, you are blue.
On the other side, you seem to be all snowed in with the environment & communist, you are red.
Is it really that simple?
That your decision should be based on which part that isn't the worst, to take stand for?
I'm basing my decison on the fact, that my daughter have the longest days in child care. She's there the earliest, and there the longest, while I'm at work.
I'm a single mom. I have to work to get by, financially.
In Lo's group, there is 21 other children. Those 22 children together is supposed to get the attention from the 3 (!) teachers that is responsible for their safety and that they get enough attention.
Mission impossible.
The blue side, have a GREAT (?) solution for the problem, of those teachers, that have a too heavy burden at school.
"Let's close it earlier. The child care."
Ok.. Then how should we do with work, when we pick them up?
"Well.. we have this law you see, that you can go down in work to only work 80 %, without risking getting laid off. Then, I guess that the parents have to take turns, in picking the children up from school."
Heh.. Right.. Then how will I find the 20% of loss in income, since I don't have anyone to help me. I'm alone you see. I can't "take turns" with anyone, like all other single moms can't.
"Well.. We are going to lower the taxes you see! So you will get motivated to get a extra job, and earn more money since the taxes woun't be that high, if you earn more. The higher the income, the lower the taxes.."
So right.. When I don't have my daughter, I should work more?
Right.
And the money they are saving in at closing early, in my expense, should go to finance the lower taxes?
Right.
You go blue.
I go red.
Just the way I am.
I was talking to a friend today.
The topic was "relationships".
I've heard, that some people just don't "do relationship".
What does that mean?
My believe in that way of thinking, is that one person has a perception, about how things SHOULD be (and with some negative features, I must add). Then the person(s), get their beliefs manifested, when things just don't go their way - like they said, from the get go.
Well.. Here's to you all non-relationship people out there:
Ever heard of the psycology in success?
The key, in success, is most often to understand that there isn't any specific way to "be" in a relationship. And also, believing in success, to make it, together as a couple, but also alone, as an individual. Just like in any other fields. Sports, studies, demanding carreers.
Another important thing, is to compromise.
And a third thing.. I think, is that the compromises must come, from the person without the other person not saying, directly, what the compromise must be.
I could never be with someone, that actually wants to be somewhere else. Or feeling that he must be with me, for not making me sad, feeling gulity himself and so on. I could never ever, either say, that I WANT him to be with me, when I know that he wants to be somewhere else, or do something else.
There is too many "musts" in our life today, for me becoming another must, for the person I love.
The hard part, is to deal with it. And evaluate, carefully, if this was what I wanted.
People can't change. WE can't change people, and people can't change us.
I want someone who wants me.
Just the way I am.
That's it.
That's all I'm asking for.
The topic was "relationships".
I've heard, that some people just don't "do relationship".
What does that mean?
My believe in that way of thinking, is that one person has a perception, about how things SHOULD be (and with some negative features, I must add). Then the person(s), get their beliefs manifested, when things just don't go their way - like they said, from the get go.
Well.. Here's to you all non-relationship people out there:
Ever heard of the psycology in success?
The key, in success, is most often to understand that there isn't any specific way to "be" in a relationship. And also, believing in success, to make it, together as a couple, but also alone, as an individual. Just like in any other fields. Sports, studies, demanding carreers.
Another important thing, is to compromise.
And a third thing.. I think, is that the compromises must come, from the person without the other person not saying, directly, what the compromise must be.
I could never be with someone, that actually wants to be somewhere else. Or feeling that he must be with me, for not making me sad, feeling gulity himself and so on. I could never ever, either say, that I WANT him to be with me, when I know that he wants to be somewhere else, or do something else.
There is too many "musts" in our life today, for me becoming another must, for the person I love.
The hard part, is to deal with it. And evaluate, carefully, if this was what I wanted.
People can't change. WE can't change people, and people can't change us.
I want someone who wants me.
Just the way I am.
That's it.
That's all I'm asking for.
Running with scissors.
I've just got to stop it.
Right now.
Right now.
Found beauty in the aftermath.
I did.
I finally found it. Beauty.
This time, my heart is in the right place. In fact.. Everything is in the place, that it should be.
It was horrible, actually. The feeling of having hard to breathe. That constant knot in my tummy.
How to be able to move on. How?
Well.. I did. I had to.
The "good" thing, in having a hard experience, an experience that changes your life - forever, is that you really appreciate the good, the beauty that follows. 'Cause sometime, it all has to change, to the better.
Some days, the past tries to catch up with me. And that's actually a good thing.
Why?
It's when it's hard wind, storm almost, you become aware in how firm you ground is, and how strong you are.
I have steady ground now.
I have Lo, that with my wonderful friends become my family. I have a contact now again, with my family - a contact that I haven't had for a long time. I have a great job, a nice home and someone.. that I love and loves me back.
Finally, I have a future.
A bright sparkling future.
Can't wait.
I finally found it. Beauty.
This time, my heart is in the right place. In fact.. Everything is in the place, that it should be.
It was horrible, actually. The feeling of having hard to breathe. That constant knot in my tummy.
How to be able to move on. How?
Well.. I did. I had to.
The "good" thing, in having a hard experience, an experience that changes your life - forever, is that you really appreciate the good, the beauty that follows. 'Cause sometime, it all has to change, to the better.
Some days, the past tries to catch up with me. And that's actually a good thing.
Why?
It's when it's hard wind, storm almost, you become aware in how firm you ground is, and how strong you are.
I have steady ground now.
I have Lo, that with my wonderful friends become my family. I have a contact now again, with my family - a contact that I haven't had for a long time. I have a great job, a nice home and someone.. that I love and loves me back.
Finally, I have a future.
A bright sparkling future.
Can't wait.
Living the dream?
This night I dreamed that I got fired.
Awful, just awful.
Tomorrow I have my first negoation about my job, ever.
The meeting will concern my employment, work tasks, future in the company and last but not least.. my wage.
Today I have a wage, that as below average. And quite a bit too, actually.
So tomorrow I'm going to bring it up, 'cause I am now, almost 600 euros, below average.
On top of that, I have my own car (my brothers actually - I can't afford a car right now), my own cell, which I make business calls and surf with.
I'm hoping for a raise. And better benefits.
But I love my job. And I don't want to loose it. So sure.. I'm really nervous for tomorrow.
I had two jobs, just a month ago, but I had to quit one of them (working in a restaurant).
Having two jobs and finding time to spend with Lo.. Just got too hard. o now.. I REALLY need the raise.
Well.. wish me luck.
Awful, just awful.
Tomorrow I have my first negoation about my job, ever.
The meeting will concern my employment, work tasks, future in the company and last but not least.. my wage.
Today I have a wage, that as below average. And quite a bit too, actually.
So tomorrow I'm going to bring it up, 'cause I am now, almost 600 euros, below average.
On top of that, I have my own car (my brothers actually - I can't afford a car right now), my own cell, which I make business calls and surf with.
I'm hoping for a raise. And better benefits.
But I love my job. And I don't want to loose it. So sure.. I'm really nervous for tomorrow.
I had two jobs, just a month ago, but I had to quit one of them (working in a restaurant).
Having two jobs and finding time to spend with Lo.. Just got too hard. o now.. I REALLY need the raise.
Well.. wish me luck.
At the end of the Rainbow...
...you will find me.
Here I am.
Dangerous designs.
Sometimes I get amazed by my job.
My job (one part of it, anyway) is to help people (the wealthier share of people), to pick interior design in their purchased house. Built by the company I work at.
This is what I do, most of the time.
Seems great, right?
Well.. Sometimes, I actually would find more pleasure in poking my eye out with a fork actually.
Those times show themselves, after a 5 hour business meeting, concerning the location of spotlights in the ceiling.. In this specific case, ONE spotlight, that HAVE to be centered over the diningroom table (worth approx. 25 000 euros).
Right.
The gentleman, owner of the fancy table och newly purchased house, ends the meeting with the phrase:
"Did I tell you, that I'm planning another house, within 3 years? And.. considering the time.. I might not actually move in to this house. I just maybe sell it instead."
Right.
Step...away...from...the...fork.
My job (one part of it, anyway) is to help people (the wealthier share of people), to pick interior design in their purchased house. Built by the company I work at.
This is what I do, most of the time.
Seems great, right?
Well.. Sometimes, I actually would find more pleasure in poking my eye out with a fork actually.
Those times show themselves, after a 5 hour business meeting, concerning the location of spotlights in the ceiling.. In this specific case, ONE spotlight, that HAVE to be centered over the diningroom table (worth approx. 25 000 euros).
Right.
The gentleman, owner of the fancy table och newly purchased house, ends the meeting with the phrase:
"Did I tell you, that I'm planning another house, within 3 years? And.. considering the time.. I might not actually move in to this house. I just maybe sell it instead."
Right.
Step...away...from...the...fork.
